The eventual outcome of your child’s piano lessons is determined in part by your child. His or her natural talent, interest, work ethic and personality are just a few of the factors that will influence how good a player he or she will become. Character and commitment increase in importance as your child gets older and becomes more independent. The teacher, of course, also plays a vital role and can have a big impact – positive or negative – on a learner. However, it is important to remember that however good the piano teacher might be, he or she will probably only spend an hour a week, at most, with your child. Unlike a gymnastics club, for example, where a coach is always present and your child never trains alone, much of your child’s piano learning will inevitably take place without his or her teacher. Therefore, the parent is the key third part of the learning outcomes triad. Without the support and help of a parent, especially in the early stages, even a talented and dedicated student with a good teacher is unlikely to succeed.

Much has been written about ‘pushy parents’ that I am not going to repeat here, at least not in this post. However, I will say that recognising your importance as a parent does not give you carte blanche to force your child to play, especially if he or she is not particularly interested. Excessive pushiness may initially pay off while your child is small, but it is likely to backfire as he or she gets older. I once knew a very talented player who was pushed very hard. When she turned sixteen, she suddenly declared that she hated the piano and never wanted to play again. As far as I know, she never did play again, which is a huge shame. Try to see your child’s lessons as a long-term, even life-long, learning process. They are ultimately pointless if your child eventually comes to hate the piano and refuses to touch the instrument ever again!

The solution to this, in my opinion, is to encourage your child and facilitate his or her learning without pushing too hard. This, of course, is not an easy balance to strike, but my own experience has given me a few pointers. My mother, despite not having had any formal musical education herself, was a very hands-on piano parent. I was always happy to practise but she guided and supported my practice carefully to ensure I got the most out of it. The way she saw it, I had a wonderful opportunity that she had never had as a child. She sat with me at the piano every day in the first few years – effectively teaching herself in the process! – and went through everything my teacher asked me to do. When I got older, she stopped sitting with me, but still took a keen interest in what I was playing. For a while as a child I also played the violin and bassoon. However, I never loved these instruments in the way I loved the piano, so after a few years I asked to give up. My mother let me. I once asked her what her response would have been if I had asked to give up the piano. She said that she would have been very sad, but would have supported my decision. Of course, giving up was the last thing I wanted to do! I think her attitude was a good one. She was happy to support and encourage my playing, as long as I was happy to play myself.

So here are a few practical ways you can support your child without being too pushy. First of all, your attitude is very important. Impress upon your child that learning music is a great privilege and opportunity, perhaps one that you didn’t have as a child. Practising is not a punishment, so it is a bad idea to give your child days off practice as a reward! It is ultimately possible for most learners to become competent players at the very least, but this takes a lot of hard work and commitment. This can be hard to comprehend in our modern world of instant gratification. One way to explain this to young children can be to stress the importance of playing every day, even if only a little. There will be good days and bad days, but bit-by-bit they will improve overall. You can also show them pieces they were playing a few months ago so they can see how much they’ve improved! This helps to make their progress tangible, even if there are some days or weeks that are a struggle.

Children below the age of about 12 need to be supervised while they practise. Practising is difficult and lonely, and it is unrealistic to ask young children to do it alone, regardless of how keen they might be. Fun and games certainly have their place in learning music, but at the end of the day the duller parts of practice still have to be done if your child is to get anywhere. Even if you can’t read music, you can still look at your child’s notebook and follow their teacher’s instructions. A good teacher will write down what your child should practise – not only which pieces to work on, but exactly how to work on them, ‘e.g. play bar 3 slowly, hands separately’ –  which acts as a useful guide. The notebook can also work in reverse, with you writing down anything that your child has struggled with during the week. This kind of supervision will help bridge the gap between teacher and parent, lesson and practice. It will enable your child to get the most out of their lessons, which – at around £1,000 to £2,000 per year – are not cheap!

My final suggestion is the easiest, but will make a big difference. Please play classical music at home! I have written before about the benefits of listening to it, and doing so is easy and cheap. Even having the radio on in the background will help your child. There are also lots of great YouTube videos of famous pianists, which most children find enthralling to watch. In a future post, I’ll put together some listening suggestions. In the meantime, I hope this post has given non-musical parents in particular some concrete ideas on how best to support their child’s playing.